One Day a Woman had 100 children.
She sadly did not have the creativity to name all of them unique names so she named each one a number from 1-100. One of them was named “one”, the next was “two” and so on all the way to one hundred. But, in a tragic accident, 99 of the children died. The only one who survived was the one named “Ninety”. Ninety eventually grew up and lived a whole life and she even had a few children of her own. One day, while Ninety’s children were playing outside, they stumbled upon a stray dog and the decided to keep it. Ninety did not want the children to have a dog so they hid it and named it “This” so that they could talk about it around their mom without her knowing. They would say “Lets go take This outside.” and things like that behind their mom’s back. One day, while Ninety’s children were not paying attention, This walks out into the middle of the street and gets hit by a car. This eventually dies and Ninety’s kids don’t tell their mother even then. No one else ever hears about This ever again.
Only Ninety’s Kids remember This.
OMG
How dare you make me read this with my own two eyes
last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted i woke up
older relative:
i remember back when we used to play in creeks and walk around outside barefoot. kids these days have it too easy
me:
you really should have considered that before your generations started littering until we couldn't walk outside barefoot anymore for fear of stepping on glass, and fear-mongering us with false cautionary tales that lead to us being far too afraid of everything and to grow up in an environment feeling as if it were safer inside. don't blame us for what you screwed up.
older relative:
ummmm excuse me but respect your elders
do you ever think about all the straight people you know who are judging you for not having rainbow profile pictures
I want a story about a king whose son is prophesied to kill him so the king is like “whatever what am I supposed to do, kill my own kid wtf is wrong with you” so he just raises him as normal, doesn’t even tell him about the prophecy, and instead of some convoluted twist of events that leads to the king’s murder the son grows up and when the king is very old and dying and in excruciating pain the kid is just like alright I'mma put him out of his misery.
The king’s son becomes the new king, and is prophesied to defeat evil and bring an age of prosperity. His generals and knights all crack their knuckles but he pretty much ignores them and focuses on strengthening the infrastructure of his kingdom. Forty years later he is old and sick but still hearing his subjects’ grievances, and a general’s like “how will you defeat the prophesied evil now? You’re old and weak.” Another visitor, a teenager fresh out of the kingdom’s public education system, looks at the general like he is an ignoramus. The king eradicated poverty, housed the homeless, taught the ignorant, ended class exploitation by abolishing the nobility and imprisoning the corrupt, and established a highly respected guild of doctors that recently figured out how to cure the plague. There are no brigands because there is enough wealth for everyone to live comfortably; hiding in the woods and taking trinkets from people simply doesn’t make any sense for anyone but the desperate, and the people are not desperate. Evil is a weed, explains the teenager. It grows in cracked roads and crumbling houses and forgotten corners, rooted in indifference and watered by suffering. But the king demands that broken things be mended and suffering people be made well.
No evil lives in this kingdom, says the teenager. It starved to death before I was born.
Oh yes.
